Blame It On the Rain

I find myself blogging yet again. This time, I have to thank my professors for not giving any heavy work for the coming week. Or better yet, for I might be mistaken, I have to thank my poor memory. Maybe I just don't remember what things should be done.

But anyways. My sister made her own list of "the worst feelings in the world". Since it made me think, I'm making my own :P Here it goes.

The Worst Feelings In the World (according to Ian)

• The pain you feel when you step on a Lego block
• The pain you feel when you stub your toe
• The irritation when the awkward parts of your body--e.g. underarm, private parts-- itch and you can't do anything (scratch or whatever) about it since you're in a public place
• The panic when you're really at the verge of pee-ing and/ or poop-ing and there isn't a single comfort room in sight
• The envy when you look at some younger person's numerous/ bigger accomplishments compared to the little/ petty ones you have
• The frustration when you want to do some dance move but your body won't cooperate
• The frustration when you want to sing that song but you just can't do it right; either the notes are too high or too low, or you just can't sing in tune
• The frustration in stuttering and mispronouncing again and again and again
• The frustration when you forget what you're supposed to get from or do in a room you just got into
• The frustration in forgetting where you've placed something you were holding seconds ago
• The uneasiness you feel when you've worn denim pants on what turned out to be an extra hot day
• Kapag hindi mo matanggal 'yong tinga mo
• The self-consciousness and dismay that comes when you look at a boy and realize he is a prettier girl than you are
• The heartache that comes with falling in love with a fictional character (from a novel, or a TV series) and realizing he wouldn't be real...
• ...and the frustration in patterning "the one" to that male character and not finding one
• The regret of not doing something that would have made you happy
• The hopeless wanting for any kind of food (e.g. chocolates), only to realize there isn't any available nearby (e.g.fridge)
• The feeling you get when you can't find the right words to say or to write
• 'Yong pakiramdam ng nasa dulo na ng dila mo 'yong salita
• The disappointment when you have to have to take a picture of something really really nice but the camera goes "Change battery pack"
• The loneliness you feel while singing some love song no matter how cheesy or jologs it is (For me, I'll Never Go by Erik Santos)
• The loneliness you feel while crying (because of a song, or a movie, or a realization) and there's no one there to hug you/ to share the pain with :(

This would be edited :)

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Blame It On the Rain is a song by He is We. Paul suggested this song weeks ago. He said he remembered me when he heard this. He said it is so me. I teared up. First, because Paul actually remembers and knows how I feel even though I don't seriously talk with him. And second, because he is right :') Hayy. Friends!

Ideal

Nahanap ko na e.
Ang problema, hindi ko maabot.
Hindi ko makuha.

So ano lang 'yon? Pattern? Standard?

Haha. Pangarap?

Closer, Flicker in Flight

Numb

So they say

She is

Numb

She thinks

She is

Analyzing

And now, even careful.

And cautious.

As she'd like to believe

herself

It's a defense.

It's almost a reflex now.

For those that have happened in the past

Made her

 Who she is

And who she is not

Now.

Everyone ought to tell her directly--

Maybe through flourishing words
Maybe through straightforward words

And, then, extravagant gestures.

For she no longer trusts

What she thinks
She perceives.

For the past has taught her to.

She still doubts words.

But she gains greater anxiety
In deciphering gestures.

Together though,

Words

And actions,

There is her assurance.

And then there she might find

In herself,

Trust

And

Feeling.

Again.

And then he might find her as well.

Cold December Nights Again

Stat made my last school day of 2010 a living hell. I definitely have to take the next lectures seriously. That was one bad thing today. Other bad things for today: forgetting my purse at home, not having an umbrella, not having cellphone credits, not having enough money when I want to and need to buy things (shoes, a Samsung Wave, clothes, healthcare products, an A6 Audi), parents who won't call, superduper-crowded malls, trying-hard tweens, jejes, and very long lines at the terminal! And I missed the first night of Simbang Gabi. I fail :( Seriously, I am at my wits end here!

Thank God for the lovely CDC practicumers who made the rainy afternoon so fun with their banats and their groovy playlist! Their stories about the children and the entire practicum experience makes me so excited about practicum! Haha! I really really love FLCD :>

The song above is one of the "groovy" songs we sang and danced to this afternoon. I was a bit thrown aback when I first heard/ saw this two weeks ago. It looks like and sounds like those KPop songs! I found it funny, but then it just grew on me as people around began singing (with actions!) and playing it more and more. And now, I actually find it nice! Super LSS! Maybe it's also because I've grown a little appreciation towards KPop, thanks to Jang Geun Suk and He's Beautiful. Haha! :P

Merry Christmas na! Away with the bad vibes! Embrace the good vibes! ;D

Gravity Falling

Last night was one of the most tiring and stressful nights of my life. Too many songs will qualify for last night's soundtrack. Here are some of them: Sara Bareilles' Gravity as covered by Jill and Dundee, John Mayer's Gravity as covered by Silim.

But there was this one song that definitely gives a good feel to last night's memories. The queer thing about this is that I wasn't able to hear Teacher Micah (my adviser) and her best friend perform this song live last night (maybe I was busy doing some arrangements outside). Luckily, some orgmates were kind enough to record their performance and post it online. It was magical. Their version here. The song's by Brooke Fraser, entitled Deciphering Me :)

Your telescope eyes see everything clearly

My vision is blurred but I know what I heard echoing all around

While I am tuning you in, you are deciphering me

Not such a mystery, not such a faint in a far away sound

In other words, please be true.

After such a long time, I feel so confused yet again. No, it's not about my love life, and I doubt such thing ever exists. But if there is, it's too petty a reason for such immense confusion.

Burn-out. Disappointment. Pressure. Uncertainty. And longing. Especially longing.

I've been running errands for a certain project, and it's burning me out. I am disappointed in the way things have been going, and by the way I myself am handling things and my emotions. I am so pressured, maybe because I don't want to have things half-baked. And now I am uncertain with my capabilities, with the way I've been handling myself, and with the relationships I've had. And I long for security, for a friend to cry on 'cause right now I am breaking down in a big way that I am getting goosebumps.

I miss the security that comes with certainty. I miss the once-nurturing atmosphere. I long for them.

Actually, the past few days was fun. Watching a feel-good Koreanovela over the long weekend really made me giddy all-day today. This is the first time that I've actually found a Korean boy too charming! He can sing, he models, he acts, he speaks English decently, and he plays the piano! He can pull off long gay-ish hair, black eye-liner, and super tight jeans! His smile is just too cute! Plus, he can cook! COOK(Well, so my sister says, all boys in Korea now how to cook daw)! I melt every time. WTH. Pardon me. 

And I've been excited about HP7 too. 

But tonight. I dunno. Tonight's waaaay different. It's just... depressing.

Smile and Look Alive

The hardest thing is rendering a moment moving too fast to endure
But you abide and smile wide cause I want to remember this for sure...


A picture says with sight what we can't say with words.