It's been quite some time now that something, or anything really, has been going well for me. Studying has never been enough to help me get the grades I want. I've been missing in org activities (and still I'm thinking of joining another, wow). My appetite is as unstable as my mood swings-- I don't know maybe I'm growing some eating (and behavior) disorder. My body's not in condition that I can't even jog at least one full round of the acad oval, or stand after a few shots of, well, I don't really know what we were drinking. Ha. And I just can't get enough sleep-- for many different reasons each night! It's just so frustrating. I've been trying so hard to do things right, meet schedules, beat deadlines, and just make my life as smooth as possible, but it's doesn't seem to be so.
Maybe it is me. That I am trying to hard to get more even when my hands are already full. That I am too stubborn to want the things I want. That I am still too proud to surrender or accept defeat. That I am one big ball of insecurities, and I that what I do is my defense mechanism for it. That I am, still, after everything, not enough for myself.
I start this day with these realizations. It was a rough night last night, one of those I can barely remember, but would certainly make me blush and flush in embarrassment if I am told about it. It was a crazy week; a lot of impulsive moments, kamartiran, disappointments, and kalandian. Good or bad, I dunno. But nonetheless, I am still thankful for such things.
Cheers to life! Through its highs and lows! And to the friends who help you get drunk, then those who really help when you just can't handle your drunkenness!
All of them, all of these, everything, after all, is a blessing (in disguise).
PS I called Tin last night to say sorry and to tell her that she was right. When we got to talk after my Katipunan stint, she told me that I was very unclear over the phone, and that she heard me saying, "I am gaining momentum." Ha. The things that come out of my stupid mouth. Not good. Haha.
